How to Get Rid of Social Anxiety

Edited by Teresa, Glutted, Heather Clark, Humble Pie and 25 others

Social anxiety is fairly common. It's stressful because we all need social interaction as part of our daily lives but if we are denied this through fear, we begin to feel a range of uncomfortable and unpleasant feelings. Here are some steps that can help you manage social anxiety.

Steps

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   See a therapist. Explain to them how you react in social situations. They could help you with your individual issues and they can help you progress. If you can't afford a therapist you can do it on your own, with research.
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   It is important to start more slowly and gradually work up gently to the place you'd like to be. We always use cognitive (re-thinking) methods and strategies first to provide the person with a foundation of new thinking skills and anti-anxiety strategies that are beginning to "sink down" deeply into the brain so that they become a habit or an automatic behavior. We feel therapy is much more successful if these cognitive strategies are learned and deeply dropped into the brain first. Then, when a person feels less social anxiety and a little more confident, they decide to move into the social anxiety therapy group where changes in behaviors are worked on more directly. However, we make it a rule that no one is ever forced, challenged, or urged to do anything they don't feel like doing in the group. The motivation and impetus must come directly from the person with social anxiety. We have found this approach to group therapy to be most effective
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   Do something what you are scared to do. Although it may seem cliché but it is really effective and works most of the the time(almost immediately). People don't do what they are scared to do because they perceive it as negative, for example if you want to spread your arms wide in front of people then who is stopping you? whats the worst that could happen? and what are the rewards you may get? if you doubt it, then think and write down the answers to these questions. Be true to yourself, don't exaggerate and don't lie.
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   Challenge yourself. It is an effective way to push yourself. When you feel that doing something will make you feel confident and excited, but cant do it because of anxiety, then at the same time challenge yourself, for example 'I dare you to put yourself in an awkward situation and make a fool of yourself' another example would be 'Go to that girl/guy and talk to him/her, even if it doesn't make any sense'. Remember, don't curse or beat yourself even if you fail the challenge, in fact give yourself a reward for even trying.
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   Try to change the perception of the anxiety. Ask yourself, what do you do when you feel anxious? probably panic, sweat, increased rate of heartbeat etc. It happens because you perceive anxiety as a negative cue. Instead if you perceive it as a cue to do something scary and challenging, you are going to fix this anxiety problem even more quickly. For example when next time you feel anxious, instead of taking it as a negative cue, use it as a trigger to do something scary, for example doing dance right there and at the same time(without thinking) when you feel anxious. Basically do anything which you feel is scary and challenging for you.
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   Swearing. Swearing also helps to motivate you to do something scary. For example saying 'F^%* it, I m doing it' produces an internal force to drive you to do something. Its because bad words are powerful and have emotions attached to it, which is one of the reason they are powerful. Research has proven that bad words are the precipitate of us becoming what we want to be.
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   Music. Music has the power to act as a catalyst to make you fight anxiety. Listen to some inspiring (or anything you like but try not to listen to sad)music and then try to use any of the methods above.
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   On a scale of 1-10 (1 being most comfortable with, 10 makes me panic!) write out social events and activities that make you anxious chronologically on the scale. Start with the numbers you feel most comfortable with and work your way up. Go at your own pace but do not wait until next year to reach number two. And if you are going to face something big, like public speaking, practice beforehand. Practice in the mirror; then with your family or friends; then, if you can, borrow a small audience; and, last but not least, speak at the big event. Work your way up.
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   When you face a situation that makes you anxious, you need to be aware of your self talk. There are some key steps you must follow....
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    Self acceptance: you need to focus on telling yourself that you love yourself and love your anxiety. This may sound weird but rather than being afraid of the anxiety you are embracing it which creates a sense of peace and allows you to slowly conquer it. If you can forgive others, you need to be able to forgive yourself. Don't hold a grudge against yourself because you didn't do as well as you hoped. Give yourself time and room for mistakes. Love yourself.
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    Practice relaxing your body: Is your heart beating fast? Take slow deep breaths. Are your muscles tensing up? Let go. Imagine yourself in your mind letting go of all your burdens and worries (memorizing some peaceful or wise saying on these subjects that build confidence). Sometimes yoga or meditation have sayings that work well for this visualization. Sitting in a chair and working head to toe on relaxing your muscles by tensing and releasing. Read about this method if you have tension problems.
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    Pull yourself out of the state you're in. Bring yourself back to reality when you feel yourself getting worked up. Your mind is rolling in circles about how you feel, your level of comfort, and whether others notice or not. You need to focus more on the task at hand--on one track if you have to. Focus on the task or what's in front of you rather than the level of comfort your body experiences in your mind. Also, think about how the other person feels from their shoes. Care more about them than your own thoughts.
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    Break yourself out of the mold and self image you are telling yourself you must keep, you know, the one that says you are shy and everyone will find you awkward. Have you ever just been silly and loose around those you are close to? Then why can't you do it around people you aren't as close to? Just because you feel you fit a role or image, it doesn't mean you have to remain that way. Break free from it even if for moments at a time.
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    Sometimes people leave us with ambiguous impressions in verbal and/or nonverbal reactions. Practice looking for the positive meaning to what they could have meant rather than the negative. Don't imagine everything is about you either. They might have meant it about themselves or someone else. If someone is rude to you it might just mean they are having a bad day and it has nothing to do with you. Practice as often as you can to catch yourself when thinking negatively. Redirect your thoughts to anything positive you can get out of the situation.
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    Know that overcoming social anxiety will have its good and bad days. Sometimes you will feel you are making great progress while on other days you feel like a sinking ship. It will fluctuate like the stock market. But as long as you continue trying and keep positive people and relationships in your life to support you, your results will increase overtime.
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    After you face a difficult situation give yourself a reward. Grab a fudge sundae with whipped cream & cherries, or a hot bubble bath. Anything that makes you happy but is good for you, do it.
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    Stay active, do not allow yourself to think so much. Thinking can do more harm than good if you obsess on worries. Write down how to fix them and stop thinking from there. Find hobbies and things to occupy your mind. Sports, walking, jogging etc. can release pent up anxieties because it increase endorphins and is good for your health. Everyone should spend 10-50 minutes a day working out. And maybe 10 minutes at least meditating or praying plus listening to relaxing music.
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    Realize that you are not the only one who feels anxious. Most people are shy to a degree and face anxieties. It's one of the most common feelings people have. Don't beat yourself up about being abnormal. Many people have felt the uncomfortable feelings that you do.
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    If you are around someone who is bubbly, charismatic and outgoing, pick up their personality as much as you can and pretend you are them. Faking a feeling that you may not have felt gets you in the mood.
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    Accomplishing goals will build your self esteem and image therefore helping you also to overcome some shyness.
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    Read about small talk, & practice, alone at first, then with someone you feel comfortable with, then work your way up to people you don't know. Practicing and being prepared makes a HUGE difference. Find topics that you are interested in and have knowledge with which to talk about to others. It will be easier then to carry on the conversation. Asking questions is helpful too.
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    Realize that social anxiety is often just a perception, a habit formed. You'll never completely get rid of all anxiety for the rest of your life. Most people have anxiety to a degree; it's a basic emotion. In fact, some anxiety before an important event or performance helps boost your energy level and alertness. It is when the anxiety becomes overwhelming and obstructs performance rather than helping it that it becomes a problem. But you CAN overcome much. Just take the steps.

Tips

• Stop worrying about what people think of you. Be positive!
• Be aware of your appearance and what your style says about you. Dressing well and maintaining good standards of hygiene will make a favourable impression. Knowing that you look good will make you feel good too. Although, if you are someone who is afraid to go anywhere looking less than perfect and you spend too much time on your appearance, try going out in public without makeup or dressing up. Very liberating!
• Dont wait say it now and be happy today people dont feel your shyness only you do good luck.
• You’re the expert of your life. Choose the ones that will work best for you, and give them a shot. The key is to take action today!
• It’s much easier to get rid of your social anxiety when you know the exact steps you need to take.

Warnings

• Being shy may cause you to feel limited regarding the friends you make. DO NOT allow toxic people to stay in your life. If you feel like they bring you down and the cost of having them in your life is worse than the benefit, then make a choice to end the friendship. You may be lonely for a while but this loneliness will push you to make new friends. As part of overcoming your shyness you must get out and meet new people. You can do this through work, family, other friends, joining a club, etc. Do not limit yourself to everyone who comes your way.
• The majority of the time prescription drugs are not the cure for social anxiety because, usually, it is just a bad habit rather than a bad gene. You can use prescriptions temporarily, but do not make them a lifelong practice. It's not good to become dependent on drugs as a crutch because it won't solve the problem.
• Becoming dependent on alcohol or drugs will only make your anxiety worse. Using it as a crutch will NEVER allow you to face and overcome your fear. And the hangover only exacerbates your anxiety or any other negative feelings you may have! Drinking one or two drinks once in a while is OK but it will not truly help you overcome the anxiety.
• Before facing anything that makes you anxious, avoid coffee and other drinks that contain caffeine. Energy drinks can make you feel good at first but eventually heighten anxiety. If these actually work for you though for some reason, then ignore the first two sentences.